My right knee is the size of a football but I need to go grocery shopping. There is nothing in the house except meat. As much as we love our beef and chicken, I really need a side to go with it other than potatoes. I have a few of those left in the pantry as well.
I hobble to my car and pick up my leg so I can gingerly carry it over my front seat and place it on the gas pedal. If only this was the hardest part of my day.
I race down the highway in hopes of getting to La Crosse early enough to avoid the crowds. I play this silly game with myself every two weeks. I just know there will come a time when I get pulled over and will have to skip a turn.
Target is always the first stop. The over crowded parking lot tells me what I already knew, they are swamped. I pick up my knee and place it on the pavement. Game on.
After I hobble in and switch from sunglasses to my real glasses I make my loop. Starting first in home wears. Listening to the screaming toddler who wants to go to the toy department. If I go around the corner I am sure this melt down is on the floor. Keep moving.
Next it is the cleaning section. Is that toddler here too? I collect the items I need for a somewhat sanitary home and slide over to pets.
I am now convinced the screaming toddler is stalking me. Is it hot in here or is that just me. Better go to cosmetics.
My age is starting to show in many ways. I’ll grab the extra large jar of Ponds today. Is there such a thing as concealer for I am about to have my own melt down if that screaming child doesn’t stop. A part of me wants to yell, “Oh for Pete’s sake, just buy him the candy bar.”
I’m getting out of here. Time to go to the co-op.
Will you look at the line at check-out. I pick up my right leg and throw myself down on the floor and let it all come out.
This was done in 15 minutes with very little fixing!
Chris Writes 